Bag of Weed Tries Smoking Itself, Can’t

CRAPTOWN, PA — According to local dealers, a bag of weed tried smoking itself Tuesday night, but couldn’t do it.

“I’m too old for this shit,” said the bag of Granddaddy Purp.

“Let me see if I can help with that,” said local satirist in an Instagram video.

A missing bag of weed report has been filed with the Craptown Police Department, though local residents believe that nothing will come of the police’s investigation, despite the CPD being the highest paid police department in the county. The CPD are more preoccupied with stealing other town’s police cars, hitting each other in the face with a dildo, and not wearing masks during a pandemic.

“We intend to find Mr. Granddaddy Purp,” said Deputy Rick Coxson. “Once we do, we’ll make sure to plant him on one of the drivers we pull over every night. The look on the their face is priceless.”

If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Granddaddy Purp, please fill out this form.

Editor’s Note: The article you just read was, of course, a piece of satire. As Dan Dellechiaie’s editor I must include this note at the end of every article because people lack common sense, a sense of humor, and a fashion sense and could sue Mr. Dellechiaie for telling fictional truths about them. Send all death threats, character assassinations, and love letters to 10 Dropdead Avenue, Apt. #GFY Topeka, Kansas 00000.