CRAPTOWN, PA — Local residents were shocked to learn Thursday morning that Mary Peters, 54, was incapable of being racist after putting a Black Lives Matter sign on her front lawn.
“It’s like, wow, I can’t even get mad at the Black nurse who made me wait five extra minutes for my prescription,” Mrs. Leifson said.
Mrs. Peters’s friends have tried to get her back to normal.
“So at book club I told this hilarious story about my Mexican [Fact Check: Guatemalan] housekeeper not understanding my grocery lists, and Mary, well, she was just silent with her mouth open but nothing coming out,” said Karen Richardson, a longtime friend of Mrs. Peters. “We miss the old Mary.”
Although the Peters household fought for months about whether to put the Black Lives Matter sign on their front lawn, Mrs. Peter’s husband, Police Chief John Peters was unaffected by the anti-racist powers of the sign.
“I pulled over ten Black drivers last night without batting an eye,” said Chief Peters. “I even had to tase one because he tried turning his radio off–I mean, he tried reaching for a gun.”
Local Police State Apologists and militia groups have tried burning Mrs. Leifson’s Black Lives Matter sign to ward off the “curse”, but every morning the sign reappears, unscathed.
“Once you go Black Lives Matter, you never go back…lives matter,” said the Black Lives Matter sign.
Editor’s Note: The article you just read was, of course, a piece of satire. As Dan Dellechiaie’s editor I must include this note at the end of every article because people lack common sense, a sense of humor, and a fashion sense and could sue Mr. Dellechiaie for telling fictional truths about them. Send all death threats, character assassinations, and love letters to 10 Dropdead Avenue, Apt. #GFY Topeka, Kansas 00000.