Local Police Chief Defends Decision to Arm School Cops with Black Hole Guns

MOUNTAINSIDE, N.J. — Police Chief John “Big Blue” Peters started a town hall meeting Sunday night by defending the police department’s acquisition and distribution of thirty Black Hole Guns to its twenty-five grade school officers. Continue reading Local Police Chief Defends Decision to Arm School Cops with Black Hole Guns

After Every Satirical Article, Satirist Has To Put A Note Explaining Satire Because Average Americans Have The Same Critical Thinking Skills As Rocks; Rock Community Offended by Comparison

MOUNTAINSIDE, N.J. — After publishing a headline about how he had to put an editor’s note explaining satire after every satirical article he writes because average Americans have the same critical thinking skills as rocks, Satirist Dan Dellechiaie is facing backlash from the rock community. Continue reading After Every Satirical Article, Satirist Has To Put A Note Explaining Satire Because Average Americans Have The Same Critical Thinking Skills As Rocks; Rock Community Offended by Comparison

Fall 2020 Repost: Local White Woman No Longer Racist After Putting Black Lives Matter Sign on Front Lawn

MOUNTAINSIDE, N.J. — Local residents were shocked to learn Thursday morning that Mary Peters, 54, was incapable of being racist after putting a Black Lives Matter sign on her front lawn. Continue reading Fall 2020 Repost: Local White Woman No Longer Racist After Putting Black Lives Matter Sign on Front Lawn

Fall 2020 Repost: As The United States Loses Its Mind, Satirist Loses $10 Betting on the COVID-19 Death of President Trump

MOUNTAINSIDE, N.J. — Satirist Dan Dellechiaie has lost $10 betting on President Trump’s death by COVID-19 complications, sources close to Dellechiaie say. Continue reading Fall 2020 Repost: As The United States Loses Its Mind, Satirist Loses $10 Betting on the COVID-19 Death of President Trump

Fall 2020 Repost: Cthulhu Hits Snooze Button on Reawakening, Will Awaken When He’s Not the Fourth Most Terrifying Thing Threatening the Existence of the Human Race

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Servants for Destroyer of the Universe Cthulhu told reporters Sunday morning that he has delayed his reawakening until after the COVID-19 pandemic. Continue reading Fall 2020 Repost: Cthulhu Hits Snooze Button on Reawakening, Will Awaken When He’s Not the Fourth Most Terrifying Thing Threatening the Existence of the Human Race

Fall 2020 Repost: White House Spokesperson Claims President Trump Has Read a Book, Democrats Open Investigation

WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany claimed Tuesday morning that President Trump has, for the first time during his presidency and his adult life, read a book. “President Trump finished a book last night,” said McEnany, concluding her press briefing. When reporters asked which book the President read, McEnany deflected questions and left the room. Sources in the White House say that … Continue reading Fall 2020 Repost: White House Spokesperson Claims President Trump Has Read a Book, Democrats Open Investigation

Fall 2020 Repost: Senate Democrats Resurrect Crusader to Serve As Character Witness in Amy Coney Barrett Confirmation Trials

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the Senate Republicans’ resurrection of Pope John Paul II to testify on behalf of Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett, Senate Democrats resurrected Phillip de Provence, a Christian soldier who fought in the first Holy Crusade, to testify against the nomination. Continue reading Fall 2020 Repost: Senate Democrats Resurrect Crusader to Serve As Character Witness in Amy Coney Barrett Confirmation Trials